Patterns and change

I've seen the pattern of the things I'm going through before, this is the point before everything comes crashing back down and i start hating everything again. It's something I hate and I really don't want to deal with, I want this time to be different for everything to end up like I want it to be. I want to have the faith that it'll end well but it's so hard sometimes, life isn't like the games I used to play where there's eventually a happy ending, it's work, effort and a heap of good luck to get you by. I want to change my life for the better, and I've started taking steps to do just that which is great, but I feel like I'm changing inside and that scares the crap out of me. At the end of the day I like me, I hate somethings but you know, no ones perfect, and I don't want to feel like I have to be perfect to get what i want or to be with who I want. That's how this will end, I'll change for stuff to start working in my life, and it won't be good enough and i'll be back to square one. I hate square one, it can go fuck itself.