So today I feel like I've moved back 3 months to where I was most depressed, not wanting to get out of bed to do the things i needed, even to do things i wanted. I hate being like this but it feels like something I just can't help, I can't just flick the switch and be O.K. with myself. Most days I can put on a happy face while people are around and manage to get through the day but today I've been just a shell of my former self, where I'll try to sleep just so I don't have to deal with the day anymore.
My friends assume it's do to with the break-up but it's really not, I've had days like this before and during my short lived relationship and I'm sick to death of it. Is it so much to ask to be happy? That's all I've ever really wanted, I don't care about money, acceptance or anything you can think of, I just want to be happy with myself. Maybe being alone is better, so I don't have to put the way I feel on to anyone else. The only thing I want more than happiness for myself, is for the people around me to be happy, but I'm making it harder for them, for anyone I meet.
I don't want to kill myself or anything drastic, but sometimes I think it'd be better for everyone if I just disappeared.
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