Friends...

Is becoming friends with someone that you've split from just an excuse to keep them in your life? How soon is too soon for becoming close again? Is it just going to lead to resenting them for not feeling the same about you anymore while you harbour all the feelings you still have for them? I wish there was something to tell you that it's a terrible idea and that it'll make things so much worse for you, or on the flip side that it's the best thing to do because you really need them in your life, even if it's platonic you still need them there for the same reasons, to encourage you to be the better person you know you can be. Shouldn't you be able to do that on your own though? It's not exactly fair on either party to make them accountable for your happiness but that's exactly the way it goes, that's essentially what a relationship is, someone who makes you that better person that you love and want around all the time.

Maybe that's why people love god, he's not going anywhere and he will always love you, even at your worst. It seems such an easier way of life, all I have to do is love god, he can't hurt me and I can't do anything so bad that he won't forgive me as long as I repent. It seems like the easy way out now I think about it, does that make me horrible for coming to that conclusion? It's so easy to have faith in something that can't actually do anything wrong to you. The real test of faith is when you can be let down, disappointed, when there's something on the line to physically lose. I'll go to church and ask, they'll have a reason, but I think I'm right on this one.

I've never thought about religion this much in my entire life, well at least it gets me away from thinking about her, or maybe it's my way of keeping her around in my thoughts, coping mechanism possibly? God knows... apparently.