So I should make the days bit into hours instead at the rate I'm going through these. Anyway moving on...
Parents, in general, are known to be a pain in the ass whenever an opportunity arises. Well that could just be mine but here's hoping otherwise. Now here's where it gets a little strange, I've never really written or spoken about my biological father, it's a, touchy subject if you will. But the odds of someone reading this are slim to none so why not.
My father died two years ago, around this time actually. I have never met the man, and I only saw pictures after I had been told about him passing away, hell I only learnt his name after he was dead. Charlie. That is the name of my father whom I'll never get a chance to meet. Now comes the tricky part, I have absolutely no idea how to feel on the subject. This is a man I had no connection to at any point in my growing up, this is a man I never even knew existed til he didn't anymore, this is a man whose addiction caused his insides to gradually destroy themselves before he was even 45. I'm torn between misery and anger, anger at the man who abandoned my mother when she wanted to keep me, or misery for the father I never saw.
So being 9 and having your parents come and tell you that the person you've been calling dad since you could remember was just a little strange, but I took it on the chin, it didn't bother me in the slightest, to be honest at the time I was wondering what they were on about. Obviously hadn't thought about that big lump of time where mum and I lived in a flat with a crazy room mate named sherry (I don't really remember her, apart from how nice she was to me) ahh the wonders of being young and clueless.My dad was a good role model, he worked hard, he was nice and friendly to everyone, (who wasn't a prick mind you) and I loved spending time playing games with him, unfortunately the older I got, the worse father he became. At the moment he drinks half a bottle of whiskey a night, is working himself to point of exhaustion, and is really a ticking time bomb of suppressed pressure because of his work. I really hope he's able to sell his business and relax for a bit. Because I'm not sure he realises what it's doing to his health or to mum who more days than not, can't stand him.
My mother is someone I will look up to forever, and I'm proud to say that I'm her son, sure she drinks a bit, and is off her rocker sometimes, but whose mum is perfect? The important thing is she's always been there for me, even when I haven't wanted to talk to anyone she'd talk to me (although I'd refuse to talk to her) and I'd feel a bit better. Hey I never said I was the perfect son here.
It's always been her and I really, even with dad, my (step)brother and (half)sister, mum always came to me when she wanted to talk about something, and even though I'm living out of home atm she always calls to make sure I'm doing ok, eating properly etc... and now I'm a little bit more mature I can have a proper conversation with her, about my future, my living situation, or anything, instead of my refusal to have her be part of my life in anyway. She will always have my full, unconditional love.
(Actually I was an awful teenager now I think about it)
Peace Xo
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