Fuck Those Other Days

Pretty much sick of writing about everything on that list, it's all so depressing.
And lets be honest I really haven't been bothered after the first week to continue using the bloody thing anyway.
So I may keep writing on here, say if something interesting happens, or If I want to rant about something, God knows. It was fun while i enjoyed it.

Peace Xo

Day 9: Someone you wish you could meet

I've never really been big on celebrities, or meeting these people who have so much hype built around them. Totally not my thing. So I wouldn't really wanna meet anyone. (how dull of me, right? Ha.)
But if I had to pick someone, I guess it would be the lead singer from, (insert band name here). Lol yeah pretty much any band that I listen to, I'd be amazed to hear their stories, how they came about their songs, what started their bands and why they sing what they sing. You imagine a story behind most songs you hear and I'd love to know what those stories are, not from the newspaper, or some "official" page. But from the writer him/herself.

Sure the musics good, but the thought behind the music is what really interests me.

Peace Xo

Day 7: An ex girlfriend/love/crush. Day 8: Your favourite internet friend.

Drinking stops me from blogging and that's probably a good thing so double special.

I get to talk about ex's first. Wonderful.
It's funny how small the line between love and hate is after a relationship ends, I've only properly fallen for two girls so far, one that I was on/off with for about a year, and the other who I very almost had a thing with.The first one ended up with me disliking her and not wanting to really see her ever again because she's a total fuckwit. And the other won't talk to me and has a boyfriend, (pretty sure the two things are linked.) The thing is that both of these girls were my closest friends during my first year in Aus, and I would love to go back to those times of us hanging out and having fun together without anything being weird or troublesome. And there's only one person to blame which unfortunately would be me.
Lesson? Don't fall for your friends, it's a pain trying to replace the people you loved the most.

Favourite Internet Friend? Now here I am trying to rack my brain over who the fuck I've made friends with over the internet and I've come to the conclusion that I haven't. Fuck that. I wanna see someone and make friends with them, I do most of my communicating through body language, and I much prefer reading other people through their body language too. I'm generally a pretty good judge of character straight off the bat, one of those handy traits to have, so why wouldn't I try and use it? So Day 8 go suck a fat one.

I'm going to bed.
Peace Xo

Intermission

yesterdays blog was disrupted by me drinking.
I enjoy drinking, and Wednesday nights at the holdy are regularly attended and thoroughly enjoyed.
Blogs are gay and for when I haven't been drinking.
Thank you.

Day 6: A stranger

Now I'm constantly talking to strangers despite my parents attempts to stop me all through my childhood, mostly because I work in a servo, a little because drunk people are amusing to talk to. But there was this one guy named benny, who the above 2 points both apply to.

It was about 11pm and I was about to close when this guy comes in holding a cardboard box and asks if there are any pies, and since I hadn't thrown out the leftovers for the day I just gave them to him without charging. He in return, thinking I was a champ, offered me some vodka. And unfortunately at this point I was drinking most nights and it sounded like a great idea. So after I had closed the shop I found him sitting down, with his little cardboard box filled with the aforementioned bottle of vodka, green cordial, smokes, a phone and some other stuff. He had made himself quite comfy with his phone playing radio, having a smoke, and the logical part of my brain that said "What the fuck are you doing?" was silenced by the other side going, "FREE BOOZE".
So I sat down and started talking with this complete stranger about working, drinking, what he was doing here, where he came from, and between us finished that vodka. It was one of the strangest nights I've ever had, but all in all It was enjoyable. And that's the thing, if I can do something that normal people wouldn't and come away from it with a positive memory, then why shouldn't I? Not all blokes are creepy pedos, and not all drunks are wankers. It's these types of stereotypes that cause people to grow up in fear of everyone. I know plenty of adults that would cringe if I ever told them that story, because anyone different is bad and dangerous. Thinking that way makes a circle of never ending hate for the unknown. And I say fuck that.

Peace Xo

Day 5: Your dreams

I'm not sure which dreams it's actually referring to, so on the one side, I had a dream last night that one of my ex's was pregnant and getting married with their current boyfriend, that was strange.

Now what I assume it means is my dreams for the future. I've always thought about the future, when I look at jobs, or relationships, or even when making other plans I make sure future me would approve. Or there's the other way of looking at it which isn't so beneficial, where I won't make plans in case future me feels shit on the day (normally from a hangover). And I think I need to stop that, since I'm missing out on doing a lot of things I would enjoy, or even things that would be helpful to me later just because there's a chance I won't feel up to it on the day. This leads to my impulsive plans, which are on the day and rarely work out, which is not fun.

And I just went completely off course there, lets try again.
I see myself in a job earning enough money so I can support a family, I've been like this for a long time. Don't get me wrong here, fuck having a family now, but over the next 10 years I think it'll happen. And that's all I really want for my future, to have a wife and kids, make them happy and to be able to afford nice things. How I'm going to get to that point? Fuck knows, next year I'm going overseas to work and travel Europe, so looking for a long term job now would be pointless. So the next year or 2 is dedicated to me enjoying life, before I have to knuckle down and do some real work.

Speaking of work I've gotta go...
Peace Xo

Day 4: Your sibling/closest relative

So, talking about my siblings, I'm gunna keep this one short before I start to rant about how useless they are.

So I have a brother, (Darren, 24) and sister, (Genna, 13).

I have never, ever got along with my sister, not even a little bit. To be honest I actually don't care at all, she's not exactly someone I would talk to if we weren't siblings. And for the moment, that's fine, I'm sure as we grow up I'll start to care about her, (words from my mother, I'm being optimistic and trying to believe her.)

My brother on the other hand was someone I looked up to. Probably since I didn't start living with him til we moved to Australia. Dad and I used to drive up from Southend to Crew to pick him up, normally for about a week, and then make the same trip to take him home. And I loved that, I loved the trips, I loved seeing him, and whenever he was down we'd have a good time as a family. But not long after he had moved in with us permanently I realised he was nothing special, at times he's actually a dick. He never lets his guard down and tells lie after lie that you just don't know what to believe.

Summary: My brother owes $60,000, and my sister has stolen about $300 from my parents. I have next to no respect for either of them currently, which sucks.

Peace Xo

Day 3: Your parents

So I should make the days bit into hours instead at the rate I'm going through these. Anyway moving on...

Parents, in general, are known to be a pain in the ass whenever an opportunity arises. Well that could just be mine but here's hoping otherwise. Now here's where it gets a little strange, I've never really written or spoken about my biological father, it's a, touchy subject if you will. But the odds of someone reading this are slim to none so why not.

My father died two years ago, around this time actually. I have never met the man, and I only saw pictures after I had been told about him passing away, hell I only learnt his name after he was dead. Charlie. That is the name of my father whom I'll never get a chance to meet. Now comes the tricky part, I have absolutely no idea how to feel on the subject. This is a man I had no connection to at any point in my growing up, this is a man I never even knew existed til he didn't anymore, this is a man whose addiction caused his insides to gradually destroy themselves before he was even 45. I'm torn between misery and anger, anger at the man who abandoned my mother when she wanted to keep me, or misery for the father I never saw.

So being 9 and having your parents come and tell you that the person you've been calling dad since you could remember was just a little strange, but I took it on the chin, it didn't bother me in the slightest, to be honest at the time I was wondering what they were on about. Obviously hadn't thought about that big lump of time where mum and I lived in a flat with a crazy room mate named sherry (I don't really remember her, apart from how nice she was to me) ahh the wonders of being young and clueless.My dad was a good role model, he worked hard, he was nice and friendly to everyone, (who wasn't a prick mind you) and I loved spending time playing games with him, unfortunately the older I got, the worse father he became. At the moment he drinks half a bottle of whiskey a night, is working himself to point of exhaustion, and is really a ticking time bomb of suppressed pressure because of his work. I really hope he's able to sell his business and relax for a bit. Because I'm not sure he realises what it's doing to his health or to mum who more days than not, can't stand him.

My mother is someone I will look up to forever, and I'm proud to say that I'm her son, sure she drinks a bit, and is off her rocker sometimes, but whose mum is perfect? The important thing is she's always been there for me, even when I haven't wanted to talk to anyone she'd talk to me (although I'd refuse to talk to her) and I'd feel a bit better. Hey I never said I was the perfect son here.

It's always been her and I really, even with dad, my (step)brother and (half)sister, mum always came to me when she wanted to talk about something, and even though I'm living out of home atm she always calls to make sure I'm doing ok, eating properly etc... and now I'm a little bit more mature I can have a proper conversation with her, about my future, my living situation, or anything, instead of my refusal to have her be part of my life in anyway. She will always have my full, unconditional love.

(Actually I was an awful teenager now I think about it)

Peace Xo

Day 2: Your Crush/lover

Well doesn't that sound like fun? It would if I had a love life to speak of, it doesn't exactly come easy these days, well for a guy like me anyway. There's no way I want to meet someone in town, odds are they're drunk, and even if they aren't how the hell are you meant to talk with someone when there's a big fuck off speaker wherever you go? And meeting girls through your friends always goes soooo well when your friends are hell bent on giving the worst view of you known to man.

I was discussing girls with my friend Farley earlier this evening. "I just want a girlfriend that would be chill and fun to hang out with, but fine with having some separate friends." This being followed by a "yeah right girls get clingy" doesn't exactly resolve my faith in the matter.

As of right now I am actually crushing on someone, just a little bit, because she's fun and playful, (Gorgeous to boot) but it doesn't matter anyway because she has a boyfriend. I swear girls are only nice to you when they have a boyfriend, if they don't, then they think you're just trying to get with them and won't give you the time of day, even when you have no intention of being anything but their friend. And there's your tip for the day, if a girls nice to you, odds are she has a boyfriend. Thank you internet, for making every guy seem like a a sex crazed perv trying to do nothing but seduce women, and thank you chauvinistic males for proving them right.
Peace Xo

Why I made this blog...

...Is probably the first post I should have made, but the other two came so easy, my bad.

Sooo, I made this for a few reasons, the most important one being, I was bored enough to. Second though is that after reading a few I've realised there are some upsides to a blog, it's like a non-gay diary, well, it's kinda gay, but you get the idea. It's good having some kind of memory of the past, and maybe I can work through some things and become a better person, or realize what I'm looking for. Or maybe it'll just stop be staring blankly at facebook for a couple hours each night, you know to avoid the fear that my parents placed in me of having to go to bed at a dedicated time. I don't think that sentence made sense but I really can't see how to modify it to make sense, hopefully you'll just get it.
Anyway, my point, I feel like my grasp on the English language will continue to slip unless I invest some time into waking up my brain long enough for it to figure out a simple sentence. But if I don't stop this post now it'll continue on into a ramble. Fuck waiting another day for writing day 2.
Peace Xo

Day 1: Your best friend.

Timothy Asser

Since I moved to Australia he's been my best friend, countless nights spent playing games, drinking, going out and big D&M's on John street at the early hours of the morning before I'd walk home. That was before I moved and now, I don't see him much, which is because both of us have busy lives and other friends we hang out with a lot of the time. At the end of the day though, if I'm having shit fly at me from all directions he'll let me know I'm being a complete idiot and that nothings really wrong. I think that's what a best friend should be able to do, bring you back to earth when you think everything has gone haywire. And to rip a new one in your ex's new boyfriend without as much as a word from yourself. I still owe him for that one. =)

Oh, and we're going to be the rulers of the netherworld, just a heads up.

Copy and paste

You must write about the following:


Day 1 - Your best friend.
Day 2 - Your crush/lover.
Day 3 - Your parents.
Day 4 - Your sibling/closest relative.
Day 5 - Your dreams.
Day 6 - A stranger
Day 7 - An ex boyfriend/girlfriend/love/crush.
Day 8 - Your favourite internet friend.
Day 9 - Someone you wish you could meet.
Day 10 - Someone you don't talk to as much as you'd like to.
Dat 11 - A deceased person you wish you could talk to.
Day 12 - The person you hate most/caused you a lot of pain.
Day 13 - Someone you wish could forgive you.
Day 14 - Someone you've drifted away from.
Day 15 - The person you miss the most.
Day 16 - Someone that's not in your state/country.
Day 17 - Someone from your childhood.
Day 18 - The person you wish you could be.
Day 19 - Someone that pesters your mind - good or bad.
Day 20 - The one that your heart the hardest.
Day 21 - Someone you judged by their first impression.
Day 22 - Someone you want to give a second chance to.
Day 23 - The last person you kissed.
Day 24 - The person that gave you your favourite memory.
Day 25 - The person you know that is going through the worst of times.
Day 26 - The last person you made a pinky promise to.
Day 27 - The friendliest person you knew for only one day.
Day 28 - Someone that changed your life.
Day 29 - The person that you want to tell everything to, but too afraid to.
Day 30 - Your reflection in the mirror.


Ahh, good old ctrl c and crtl v, pretty much got me through high school and it's usefulness continues to amaze and astound, God knows I'll change my mind about each of these things pretty much the day after I've written them, but it's always nice to jot them down anyway.


Cheers Bianca =)