Riddled questions and unsure answers.

You Be Tails, I'll Be Sonic:


I'm a mess that's the best way to describe it
I leave no time to myself the only way I can fight it
When I'm alone it's like I'm staring into a mirror
Don't know the person inside it and that's never been any clearer.




Ok, So before I was annoyed, and now, I'm just not, at all. That's the handy thing about this silly little blog, I can write down my thoughts and feel like i've got it out of my system, and don't have to worry about the repercussions of what I've written, instead of saying something to someone and making them hate me. I've really got to learn to control my thoughts because they will be the death of everything around me, I make things up in my head, and if I don't know exactly what happened, or the truth behind something I'll make one up, whether it's plausible or not.
Pretty sure that's why I push for the truth behind most things, if I take an interest in something in your life you should be worried, because as long as my mind fixates on it and I don't know the exact story or circumstance my mind will make up it's own. Which will just lead to me questioning about it anyway to see if I was right. This is why I either make people open up, or annoy them to a point where they want me dead, not even kidding. 


Side Note:
I jumped around so much today that I cant tense my stomach without being in pain, I've obviously lost my tolerance to energy drinks because I was jumping like a loony for 2 hours straight. There are some things about work i love, the top one being able to piss off annoying customers by turning up the music and demanding their money. I've had so many weird looks from people because I'm jumping around that I've made it a challenge to get everyone to think I'm mentally handicapped. I'm hoping they won't come and bother me anymore. I'll let you know how this progresses.


Peace Xo

A Day To Remember

The Plot To Bomb The Panhandle:

You've got nothing better to do
I know why you can't see straight
I thought you were better than this
but you're just like everyone else.

Here's To The Past:

Let's all think back on what brought us here
This is my grasp on what is real
Don't tell me how I feel
With all that's passed I can't relate
With myself from day to day
why does everything seem so far away
to me.

I'm Made Of Wax Larry, What Are You Made Of?:

So run like hell,
sleep with one eye open.
I can't forgive, or forget you
We'll tell everyone the damage done
Deep down you can't stop me
You can't stop me now

I'll be there just to watch you fall
So don't push me,
I've got nothing to lose

This is how I'm feeling right now, lots of different emotions, all of them mildly pissed off. Stay away from me for your own safety because I will explode sometime soon, and it won't be pretty.

The order of things.

My life was excellent not less than a month ago. 3 days in, it was even better. A week in it started going downhill and just kept rolling until I picked myself back up. Now I'm pretty much back at the start, but it feels like something huge is missing, and I just don't get it, how can someone make your life completely different when everything is the same.
I'm still working out, I still want to get fit, I'm still working the same, I'm still going to gymnastics, I still see my friends as much. The only difference is my drinking, I've been drinking to escape this feeling that I don't even understand. The only thing I could imagine it to be is loneliness, which is a stupid reason to drink considering all the people in my life, but at the same time, there's nothing else it could even be.
Having someone to care about, that you feel cares about you, to share everything with, I saw a short glimpse of that lifestyle and now I'm desperate for it.

I was fine by myself, I hate how you've changed that, and I hate how quickly you dropped me. Because that's exactly what happened here, You went back to someone else within a week. There's a name for people like you. And I don't see why I should bother with you anymore. Well, that's what part of me thinks anyway, I can't work out what else I'm thinking, but at the end of the day, this sucks, and you're a bitch.

Peace Xo

The one place I would like to be able to leave

I spend my nights sitting at home bored these days. I say nights, I mean from 11pm til 3am, More the dead of night. I will sit in my room, on my laptop, doing absolutely fuck all and I hate it. It's too early to sleep, and It's too late for anyone else to do anything, nothings open, I'm not interested in playing games, or watching movies. I end up just sitting there, thinking about everything. Which is the place I would like to escape from, the only place that I hate having to deal with is my own head.

Everything is messed up in there, I don't know what I'm thinking or feeling half the time, everything moves so fast that it's like watching bits of sentences fly past while I'm there trying to fit everything together to make some sort of sense. Every possible action and reaction to anything and everything going on in my life is being considered and worked out all at once and it's so tiring. I just want a vacation from myself, I need a break. I can't keep worrying about things, people, relationships, family, friends, the future, the past. I think that's why I drink, it's so nice to have a release from it all, to not worry and just relax and have fun, not to have a care in the world. That's just one way of looking at it though and it's not exactly the most positive outlook on my drinking.

I need a distraction, something I can think about all the time without having to actually worry about it, that I can zone out about for hours because I really find it interesting, just something. I get bored too easily, I never seem to be able to focus on any given thing and I hate it, i hate myself for it. Don't get me wrong, I don't wish my brain away, I'm fine with not being an invalid. Just sometimes, being able to stop it would be good, I wouldn't freak out about stupid things that in reality are absolutely fine, and I wouldn't do stupid things or get in dumb situations like I always do.

Buuuuuuttttt for now, I have beer, so I'm going to get well acquainted with it again, because I haven't drunk on my own in a long time and I can't deal with anyone right now.

Peace Xo

Don't wear your heart on your sleeve

Is something Mum tells me again and again, because I fall for girls, fast. I would love to be one of those guys who just doesn't care, but I'm not and I never will be. I'm full on, I would want to see her a lot, talk to her all the time and for all of my friends and family to like her just as much as I would. Now that sounds reasonable, and it would be, if I didn't think about it within a week of meeting someone.

I've never understood why I do this, even I know that going slower is better, gives you more time in that first stage of getting to know each other, finding out about this person you've hit it off with. Don't get me wrong, It's not like I rush them straight into the bedroom, but i definitely rush. Which leads to me scaring girls off, or me dropping them because I think they're not interested in me.

Oh how i would love to turn my brain off, just so I can be normal and not worry about these made up things in my head that have absolutely no chance of being real. But that's not happening, so here's hoping that someone can calm me down, assure me that I'm crazy, but love me all the same.

Peace Xo

Negative Emotions.

So whenever something happens in my life I over think, whether it's throwing a bottle in the air and wondering how physics affects the speed of rotation compared to the amount of liquid in the bottle, or why regardless of how well I clean my room it looks exactly the same within a day.

These things are generally no problem at all, sure I get distracted from doing anything actually productive but I'll live. The problems come with people, and with emotions. That's the difference between thinking about that bottle and a person, when you're playing with the bottle you have no consideration for it, I mean it's an inanimate object, why would you? But with a human, we all have to tread carefully, trying not to upset them, trying not to provoke them and generally just trying to consider these feelings they have.

Lately, I've been shit at that. I'm sick of covering up the truth to save someones feelings all the time, I understand not mentioning something that's just plain offensive but when someone is being an absolute dick why must you keep quiet? I'm trying to keep the friends I can be honest with, and ditch wankers who have nothing but negative things to say for no apparent reason.
These are the people who don't give a consideration to emotions, If it was a casual joke, or a playful mocking it would be fine, but it's not anymore. I'm no longer dealing with shitty "friends" who have nothing better to do than make fun of me and try and put me down. Sure I've done some stupid things, who hasn't? But strangely enough I don't need to be reminded every day with the same joke that wasn't funny in the first place.

I'm sick of you, I'm sick of your shit and I don't actually have to put up with it, so I'm not.

Peace out Xo